Great relationships don’t happen by magic. People who enjoy a vibrant, loving life with their partner put effort into making their relationship work. Yes–they work at their sex life, too! Based on our experience as a sex experts, here are resolutions that can help you enjoy a better sex life next year.
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Be more affectionate. Both men and women have expressed to me a wish that their partner was more affectionate. Kisses and hugs to say hello and good-bye, cuddling up on the sofa to watch TV, or holding hands while on a walk are so easy to do, and mean so much. Be generous with loving touch and watch your partner glow. There’s even some research that suggests cuddling increases testosterone.
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Look for opportunities to have sex. Some people seem to look for opportunities to turn sex down. Instead, be on the alert for windows of time when you will have some time and privacy for love-making.
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Try new things. Both in and out of the bedroom. In the bedroom, try new toys, new lube, new positions, new erotica, new role plays, new music, new fragrance, new bedding. Doing new things in the bedroom shows sexual interest and rouses the brain. Doing new things out of the bedroom–cooking a new recipe together, visiting a new part of town–also perks up the brain and makes the prospect of sex more fun.
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Put your relationship first. Your job isn’t going to bring you a bowl of chicken soup when you’re sick. Your kids are going to grow up and move on. In the end, it’s the person who loves you who will be there when you need support. Examine your work hours–are they intruding into the rest of your life? The kids–are you living for them? When you make decisions about how you will spend your time and your emotional energy, put your lover first, and everything else will fall into place.
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Demonstrate gratitude. Don’t just praise your partner when they go out of their way. Think about it: There is no written rule that says your partner must do anything for you. Everything your partner does–making coffee, sorting laundry, or earning a living–is worthy of praise. How much time and energy does it take, really, to say, “Thanks!”
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Be sensual. Masters and Johnson famously said, “Sex is more than body parts and friction.” It breaks my heart to hear that in this day and age there are still couples that are having sex this way: She lifts her nightgown, and he sticks it in. Really? Light up some candles (or use LED ones, they’re safer), put on some music, spray on some fragrance, have a sip of wine or sparkling water, and get into some lovemaking.
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Talk dirtier: Enough with the silent sex or the “Oh God! Right there!” Snore. Branch out a little and add some sex talk into your bedroom escapades. If you need a little inspiration, erotic romance novels or porn can be a good place to start.
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Learn a new technique: There are a plethora of books out there that will help you tweak your technique, whether it’s how to use your hands, mouth, heck, even feet.
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Send a sext: Surprise your partner with a dirty photo or a sexy message sent right to your partner’s phone. Just make sure you’ve definitely got the correct number before you hit send.
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Do something crazy: All your relationship might need is a big jump start. Take some photos! Dress up and do some role playing. Sure, “crazy” is relative, but what better time to turn things up a notch.
